


Burn the bridges, burn them down.

by tobewritten



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Based on experience, Character Study, College AU, F/F, Feels, References to Depression, Roommates, Sad, and maggie being there for her, basically alex feeling stuffs, headcannon, maggie is literally the best, really not a fluff piece, soft!maggie, thoughts and feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 07:41:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11143917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobewritten/pseuds/tobewritten
Summary: You called it one of those days. One of those days where your heart fails to function and repeatedly misses a few beats and you feel like you're falling from a building with your scream stuck in your throat; your chest clenching and burning and releasing and freeing and burning again.





	Burn the bridges, burn them down.

**Author's Note:**

> got inspired writing this after similar things happened to me. 
> 
> title is from Burning bridges by Bea Miller.

  
You locked yourself in your room as deadlines are looming in and you have yet to read through your notes of the previous lectures and you're pretty certain that there are tests coming up that will definitely affect your overall grade. Yet, you found it pretty damn impossible to get out of the darn bed. (It wasn't even comfortable per se but god, your body just refused to listen to the pathetic pleading in your head.)

You're pretty certain if your roommates were to enter your room right now, they'd have every right to be worried over the fact that you might actually be dead, with the way you're barely moving, barely breathing, barely being.

You stared at the white wall across of you, your eyes blurring and clearing up over and over again; and your body curled itself and you could feel every fiber, every tissue, every part of you buzzing and vibrating _within_ you.

Your breath seemed heavy and entirely too loud and you wonder if the static sensation down your frozen arm is any indication for you to... move. But you can't. Not yet. Not soon. and you stare at the wall, hoping that it would collapse on you one way or another so that you could just _feel_.

(The sound of car engines down the block overwhelmed the heck out of you and you flinched, wondering if it's actually that you're feeling everything at once.)

You called it one of those days. One of those days where your heart fails to function and repeatedly misses a few beats and you feel like you're falling from a building with your scream stuck in your throat; your chest clenching and burning and releasing and freeing and burning again.

It takes you forever to keep a steady heartbeat.

You're also every much aware of the fact that your breathing is uneven; a little labored and fast, but yet every time you try to count to four, you feel acutely aware of everything and it made you seized and panicked. (You're not sure if you're doing the whole counting thing wrong, but you're pretty sure that focusing on anything right now is making you sick.)

A thought flashed your mind and you wonder if this is the day you're going to die; that your limbs start to numb and the poison inside you grows inwards until it reaches your heart and your brain, until everything just

shut down.

(this isn't the first time you've experienced it, but god, it feels like you'll never make it out alive anymore.)

A quiet knock, a soft tender voice outside the door almost startled the soul out of you. But you remain motionless, remain unresponsive as Maggie opened the door to your room.

Her eyes flickered around your dark room. It was way past sunset and your notes were still sprawled haphazardly on your table; the same exact position that you left it the day before. You registered her footsteps approaching you, registered how closer she was reaching you but yet you still couldn't move, couldn't respond, couldn't even try to be the roommate that she knew.

"Alex?" Maggie whispered, hands hovering your shoulder and you could feel it burn through your sweater. (It wasn't even _that_ cold but still, the oversized sweater Kara bought for you for your birthday seemed to be the only thing holding the pieces of you intact together.)

You shuddered and Maggie retracted her hand away from you.

"Alex, you're scaring me,"

And there was no judgment, no anger, no _get your ass out of the bed and study for your damn mid-semesters Alexandra. You wouldn't want to get a failing grade now, would you? Who would ever look at someone with a horrible GPA?_

Who would ever look at her if she's failing to be human anyway?

"Al-"

"I'm fine, Maggie," you replied with a hollowed voice. You wonder if Maggie would believe you like everyone else had.

You found yourself wishing she doesn't.

You feel your heart becoming heavier, as the weight of the bed lightened from where Maggie was leaning on towards you and for the short period of time, you could feel tears springing to your eyes and you waited for the soft click of the door.

You don't know why it still hurts when no one stayed.

Before you could fall back into your pit of agony, into the deep hole of nothingness, the bed dipped again and you feel Maggie's presence beside you.

"Maggie-"

"You don't have to talk, Danvers. I can do all the talking. You-you can listen if you want to or you can... not. I-i mean if you don't want me to talk either then it's fine and if you really want me to leave, then I'll go. But... but if you just want company, i-i can be good at that," Maggie rambled softly and a small tiny part of you brightened at that thought.

You sighed shakily, shifting until you're facing the ceiling above until there was only an inch of space separating you from your roommate. and you nodded your head slowly but surely.

"talk to me," you whispered. Maggie's eyes lightened for a moment as she stared at you, waiting for you to confirm again and you nodded your head minutely one last time before she's diving into a full-out one-sided conversation.

You tried to keep up, and you almost felt bad for your lack of response but Maggie was quick to bring up a new topic and you feel yourself getting tugged along with every new conversation; feel a ghost of a smile gracing your lips as she recalled funny anecdotes and you let out a soft giggle as she told you about how she shut down a rude ass racist white boy with just a glare and a sarcastic comment.

you listened as best as you could, but you still get retracted into your mind and you feel yourself tearing up

because someone like Maggie shouldn't be wasting her time with someone like you.

(You held the tear at bay though. It's hard enough to pay attention to Maggie's stories, it's a hundred times harder to make sure the attention isn't on you.)

Maggie only asked once more. If you wanted to talk about it;

about the sudden weight on your chest or the sudden urge to skin yourself raw, to erase every part of you, to make yourself feel _something._

and how you feel very much like the fifteen-year-old you when your life gets turned upside down and you lost everything and everyone and every bridge that kept pieces of you intact seemed to be burning down, down, _down._

You shook your head no. Because once the words leave your mouth, you don't think you can fight something that is suddenly so real.

Maggie only nodded her head before changing the subject; before telling you stupid jokes and puns to make you laugh. Before telling you all the little things that don't actually matter but that's okay. that's okay.

(You think you're going to be okay.)

you don't feel fully better, no. You hadn't expected the sense of dread and depression to just fade away just like that. But for the night, you felt slightly lighter; felt the air to be more breathable. felt something inside you shift slightly as Maggie stayed up to talk; until you're the one falling asleep first. until your thoughts aren't against you. until you feel somewhat safe in your own body.

and for a while, you believe that you'd make it out in one full piece this time.

**Author's Note:**

> leave kudos or comments if you like it! hit me up @ the-girl-at-the-back on tumblr if you want to!


End file.
